Well, hello fellow Cysters! So, it’s been about 2 years since I’ve written.. SO much has changed. Shortly after I started this blog I learned some things about my then-husband which is why I disappeared… and now I am divorced! It was my decision so I am happy with it– it took a lot of tears and 2 marriage counselors to point me in the right direction. Sometimes it’s best to leave and things can’t be salvaged. My husband and I split up in 2014, just after creating this blog, and I met someone last year who has changed my world immeasurably. This barren thin cyster got pregnant and had a baby just last March (2016)! I never thought it would happen. After trying for years with my ex-husband, I was sure it was just a dream I’d have to live without. Looking back, I think God, my brain and my body all knew that I shouldn’t have a baby with that man. So I’m here to say sorry I dipped out! BUT, I have decided to start writing again, however I’d like to leave THIS blog behind because it represents a life with someone who is no longer in the picture and I life that I just THOUGHT I had with him.
I wanted to invite everyone to come follow my new blog jesslynnelaw.wordpress.com which I’m calling “Mommy Mayhem & the Almost-Wife Life.” I understand that sometimes it can be hard to read about people with babies and all that jazz, and I’ll understand if you don’t make the switch– I’m still wishing lots of Baby Dust to all!!!
Is it just me.. or is it that every celebrity with PCOS is super fit/thin? (By every celebrity with PCOS I clearly just mean Victoria Beckham and Jillian Michaels… I don’t know of any other celebrities with this bullshit). Regardless, Victoria and Jillian are as fit as can be– some may be spiteful and even say anorexic looking. But, have you seen before and after pictures? The bodies they have now are not the bodies that they used to have. It’s very clear that they felt the need to shape up– and I can only imagine it’s because of the PCOS factor…
Breaking up is hard to do.
I love Bread. We hang out. I can say that I have a very personal relationship with Bread. We have always been there for each other. I like to dip Bread in oil. Oil with spices. I like Bread for breakfast. Bread with Lunch. Bread with dinner. Bread dipped in cheese. Bread dipped in gravy. In fact, if I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life– I’d probably want it to be Bread with things to dip in it or put on top of it. Now, I am not discriminatory. All because Bread doesn’t look like it’s Bread-self, doesn’t mean I won’t eat it. I like Bread when it’s in its cracker form and in its pasta form as well. Bread. Bread. Bread. But Bread has been misbehaving… and we are now Frienemies.
This is how you do it.
Books. I said it. BOOKS. Most people would prefer to sit on the couch and watch some TV– I’m telling you that TV sucks. Books are where it’s at. I’ve had quite a bit of time to myself these past few weeks (I’m a childless teacher, that means I spend summer finding ways to entertain myself) and I have knocked out six books so far– all of which take me to another place, allow me to be someone else for a while, and let me explore worlds I’d never known existed. This is essential for us infertiles. Sometimes it can be hard not to focus on our situations, but books allow you some freedom from all the BS that is infertility. This is how you read a book as an infertile in the summer….
So, I’ve been on a small hiatus lately. I’ve been gone because I thought it would help me relax if I wasn’t thinking about it all the time (yes, relax, as in “just relax and it will happen”… now I know FOR SURE it’s bullshit, but hey, I’m willing to try anything). I was getting a bit sad that the femara wasn’t working, and I was afraid that I was thinking about the whole PCOS thing too much and maybe stressing about it was hindering me from getting pregnant… it wasn’t. I am still as barren as an 80 year old woman with her tubes tied trying to get pregnant– even with much effort to try and forget! So here I am, ready to stop being sad again and start being happy, and continue on attempts to awaken these silly ovaries!
6DPO… It’s Friday, gonna open a bottle of wine… Decide to take a test JUST IN CASE… I know it’s too early… BUT LOOK AT THIS?! Can this be real? It’s a dollar tree test… I’m trying not to scream and yell incase it’s a god awful terrible mistake… Has this happened to anyone? Isn’t it too early? IS THIS MY BFP?!?! OPK smiled on CD13… It’s CD19… CAN THIS BE TRUE?
***UPDATE: I’m an idiot and in my desperation to not be infertile, I accidentally grabbed the dollar tree’s “ovulation predictor” rather than the pregnancy test. My happiness was short lived and has been replaced with feelings of stupidness.
This is how I feel.
PCOS and infertility is confusing. I had finally gotten my first happy face and we made the most of it 🙂 … however, at 3DPO I began spotting… and now, at 4DPO I am STILL spotting. Spotting enough that when I went to the beach today I had to wear a “lite days” tampon (you know, the purple ones..) What gives?! It’s too late for ovulation bleeding, it’s too early for implantation bleeding, and I’m taking femara which is supposed to make me ovulate and give me a regular cycle…. I. Am. So. Confused. Why is there blood?! WTF?!
Wow! The OPK is smiling! Look at it! I feel so accomplished. I’ve been doing Paleo all month and I can’t help but think that it’s helped give me the happy face. I MADE AN EGG. I can’t believe my PCOS silly body had made an EGG! And it’s LEAVING! It will not become a pretty pearl! It could be a BABY!
I’m done flipping out– I have better things to be doing now that the OPK smilied at me….
My SECOND Painting. “Hold On.”
I’m totally enjoying this art thing. I’m not all that good at it, but it makes me feel creative (and I’m not naturally creative). Feeling creative is exciting! No wonder people want to be artists! Not to mention it is total therapy for me right now. I can get out all my silly feelings about this infertile business while still putting my mind to good use. All my cysters, you should try this.