Time to get Obsessed.

obsession

Is it just me.. or is it that every celebrity with PCOS is super fit/thin?  (By every celebrity with PCOS I clearly just mean Victoria Beckham and Jillian Michaels… I don’t know of any other celebrities with this bullshit).  Regardless, Victoria and Jillian are as fit as can be– some may be spiteful and even say anorexic looking.  But, have you seen before and after pictures?  The bodies they have now are not the bodies that they used to have.  It’s very clear that they felt the need to shape up– and I can only imagine it’s because of the PCOS factor…

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I’m Back!

im back bitchesSo, I’ve been on a small hiatus lately.  I’ve been gone because I thought it would help me relax if I wasn’t thinking about it all the time (yes, relax, as in “just relax and it will happen”… now I know FOR SURE it’s bullshit, but hey, I’m willing to try anything).  I was getting a bit sad that the femara wasn’t working, and I was afraid that I was thinking about the whole PCOS thing too much and maybe stressing about it was hindering me from getting pregnant… it wasn’t.  I am still as barren as an 80 year old woman with her tubes tied trying to get pregnant– even with much effort to try and forget!  So here I am, ready to stop being sad again and start being happy, and continue on attempts to awaken these silly ovaries!

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WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?!

6DPO… It’s Friday, gonna open a bottle of wine… Decide to take a test JUST IN CASE… I know it’s too early… BUT LOOK AT THIS?! Can this be real? It’s a dollar tree test… I’m trying not to scream and yell incase it’s a god awful terrible mistake… Has this happened to anyone? Isn’t it too early? IS THIS MY BFP?!?! OPK smiled on CD13… It’s CD19… CAN THIS BE TRUE?

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***UPDATE: I’m an idiot and in my desperation to not be infertile, I accidentally grabbed the dollar tree’s “ovulation predictor” rather than the pregnancy test. My happiness was short lived and has been replaced with feelings of stupidness.

Infertility is Confusing.

How I feel.

This is how I feel.

PCOS and infertility is confusing.  I had finally gotten my first happy face and we made the most of it 🙂 … however, at 3DPO I began spotting… and now, at 4DPO I am STILL spotting.  Spotting enough that when I went to the beach today I had to wear a “lite days” tampon (you know, the purple ones..) What gives?!  It’s too late for ovulation bleeding, it’s too early for implantation bleeding, and I’m taking femara which is supposed to make me ovulate and give me a regular cycle…. I. Am. So. Confused.   Why is there blood?!   WTF?!

OPK is Smiling!!!

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Wow! The OPK is smiling! Look at it! I feel so accomplished. I’ve been doing Paleo all month and I can’t help but think that it’s helped give me the happy face. I MADE AN EGG. I can’t believe my PCOS silly body had made an EGG! And it’s LEAVING! It will not become a pretty pearl! It could be a BABY!

I’m done flipping out– I have better things to be doing now that the OPK smilied at me….

Enjoying this Art Thing.

My SECOND Painting!

My SECOND Painting.  “Hold On.”

I’m totally enjoying this art thing.  I’m not all that good at it, but it makes me feel creative (and I’m not naturally creative). Feeling creative is exciting!  No wonder people want to be artists!  Not to mention it is total therapy for me right now.  I can get out all my silly feelings about this infertile business while still putting my mind to good use.   All my cysters, you should try this.

WTF did I just see?

This was me about 10 minutes ago.

This was me about 10 minutes ago.

WTF did I just see?  Blood?  Blood?  Are you kidding me?  Have you ever had an irregular cycle while ON Femara?  It seems like it shouldn’t be so– aside from the first month when your body is getting used to it.  So, when I woke up today on CD26 and there was blood– not enough for a period, but a bit more than “spotting” I was pissed!  I know this blog is about happy things, but damnit!  This shouldn’t happen until CD29 just like the previous few months– or rather, it shouldn’t be happening at all!  There should be a little creature growing inside me.  So, now because I’ve vowed to be happy… I am have turn this BS around.

Here are some ways to make myself feel better about the early blood (which you can also use to make yourself feel better if this has happened to you):

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Resolve to Know More…

Resolve to know more about why so many bloggers wish to remain anonymous when blogging about infertility.

Resolve to know more about why so many bloggers wish to remain anonymous when blogging about infertility.

…about why so many bloggers wish to be anonymous when they blog about infertility.

 

Just about every blog I stumble upon that has to do with infertility is anonymous.  Some even say “Just another anonymous blog about infertility…” in their About section.  Others even claim “if you found my blog and you personally know me, please be respectful and stop reading.”  Why is that?  As someone who is struggling with infertility, I think it’s important to realize why so many of us wish to be anonymous.

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It’s here! It’s here!

National Infertility Awareness Week!

Waiting For Our Turn

Happy National Infertility Awareness Week!

Image Source: http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/images/2014-niaw-image.png

This post is a thank you to Resolve. If you are new to infertility or just a casual lurker of my blog, you may not know about Resolve. Resolve is the National Infertility Association.

Resolve, thank you for your advocacy. Thank you for your education. Thank you for your support.

What are you doing to Resolve to Know More this week?

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A Matter of Facts

This is so spot on. Those who have not struggled with infertility yet have friends going through it NEED to read this post.

2 infertility & beyond

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If you are lucky enough and infertility isn’t something you have had to deal with personally then it can be a difficult thing to fully understand with regards to the process and the emotions involved. I have lots of friends and family who have done their best to understand my journey and who have tried to inform themselves through asking questions or reading up on things to be as supportive as they can and for this I will be eternally grateful. I wanted to take this opportunity to list 5 facts that some of my infertile friends will no doubt connect with and as a kind of “heads up” to those who have family or friends going through this. Who knows, maybe it will help you to have a better understanding of what they are talking about, what to say or not to say or maybe you already know all of…

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